Changes
by Suffering
Summary: Harry disappears for over a year, only to return a different person. He's seemingly indifferent, and is he really back? Will he ever return to the Harry everyone knew?
1. Simon

Simon  
By Suffering

  


'Who really believes in fate?' though Harry, looking out the window in his dorm at Hogwarts. 'And if there is such a thing, we have no control over it.' Harry sighed, and turned away from the window, where snow was falling softly.  
'If I had control over my fate, there'd be no Voldemort, no Dursleys, my parents would still be alive.' Harry Potter, 18 years old, 7th year student at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, sighed again and went back to his bed in his small apartment. As Harry lay in his bed he began to think. What would life be like if my parents were still alive? Would he still know everyone the he knew now? Would he be famous? Would Ron still be his friend?   
  
Would Hermione?   
  
The three of them had gone through experiences that most would have faltered at. The basilisk, the return of Voldemort. The sorcerer's stone. Harry decided that no matter how much he wanted his parents back, he wanted his friends more. For someone who had longed his whole life for his parents, one would think that this is a rather ridiculous statement. Harry thought it was logical. In Harry logic, anyway.   


The trio had also faced the return of the death eaters, the second and third returns of Voldemort, deaths of their friends, Neville, Oliver, Lavender, Padma and Parvati Patil.   
Teachers had sacrificed themselves to stop Voldemort. Professor Snape went against his old master and fought openly with the rest of the team against the death eaters. McGonagall had died stopping a spell from reaching her students. Hagrid had been killed protecting Harry. Even the most powerful wizard of them all, Albus Dumbledore, was in a coma. Madam Pomfrey had tried everything to revive him, but all was in vain. He simply would not wake up. Harry, Ron and Hermione had visited him whenever possible, and it was on the last day of his 5th year, that Harry swore he'd find Voldemort and kill him, to stop this from happening to anyone else. Ron and Hermione had begged him not to go, and when he had refused, they pleaded with him to let them accompany him on the mission. He had flat out refused.   
"I will not let anyone else die! ESPECIALLY my friends!" shouted Harry, glaring at Ron and Hermione.   
"You won't let anyone else die? What about YOU? What if you die? Then what?' Ron had bellowed back.   
"It doesn't matter anymore.' Stated Harry, "I was the one who allowed Voldemort to come back in 4th year, and I was the one who sat by and watched as our friends were murdered! YOU ARE NOT COMING AND THAT'S FINAL!" Harry roared. "I don't care if I have to petrify you, you will not come with me. You try and I'll hex you back to the Burrow."   


During this whole argument, which lasted a little longer, Hermione had been very quiet. Finally she had something to say. It was said so softly that it was almost disregarded by the two young men. "If you die, what will happen to us? To me?" she whispered, "We, I, will be alone."   
"Hermione," Harry shouted at her, "you won't be alone. Ron's here, he'll take care of you, just like he's been doing for the past year!" Hermione flinched at his tone and looked away.   
"Is THAT what this whole rogue operation is about? The fact that I'm with Hermione and you're not? Is that what it is? Cause if it is, and if it'll make you stay, I'll break up with her." Ron cried, disbelievingly.   
"that's not what this is about." Harry murmured. "This is about the simple fact that Voldemort has to be stopped. And so far it's been proven that the only one who can do that is me. I don't' want to so egotistical or haughty or self-centered, but it's true. Everyone else who's tried, including Dumbledore has failed. And everyone who has tried with me has died. Cedric died, Cho died, Snape died, Neville died, DON'T YOU GET IT?! I WON'T LET YOU GET KILLED BECAUSE OF ME!" Harry's voice kept rising, "I WON'T BECAUSE I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS TO!" Harry turned away, 'I have to do this and I have to do it alone. If you follow me, EITHER of you, so help me I'll hex you into next year." He turned and made for the door, leaving his two friends standing there shocked and speechless. 'Good-bye.'  


Harry stormed into the Gryffindor common room and out the portrait hole. Despite what he just said, Harry knew that at least part of this mission was because it hurt more and more to be pushed out of the trio as it became a duo. Ron and Hermione had been spending increasing amounts of time together, and they were less inclined to do things as a trio, because when they did, Harry usually ended up going back to his room feeling like a third wheel. "It's better this way. Now it will REALLY be a duo. No more Harry Potter, the boy-who-was-a-third-wheel." Harry scoffed, "Sometimes I wish I could be Harry Potter, a normal teenage guy.'   
"But you're not." a soft whisper, from behind him spun him around, "and you never were. To us you were Harry Potter, best friend. The one who we could go to when we were having problems," "Well, not homework. I went to you for that 'Mione." "RON!" "sorry.'   
"People change Hermione, I changed. I watched my friends people who had supported me, whether they liked me or not, die because of something that was my responsibility, a responsibility that I didn't take care of." Harry shouted.   
  
_Catch your breath,   
Hit the wall,   
Scream out loud,_   
  
"I need to do this alone. I need to resolve this once and for all for myself." Harry stated. "Just leave me be and let me do this."   
  
_As you start to crawl,   
Back in your cage   
The only place,   
Where they will   
Leave you alone_   
  
"Fine. If he wants to go and die and forget about his friends, who are we to stop him?" Ron sneered. "You want to go? Go. Don't expect open arms when you come back." With that, Ron stalked off, muttering to himself about the stupidity of Seekers. Hermione looked at Harry and whispered, "I'm sorry." Before going after Ron.   
  
_Cause the weak will seek the weaker,   
Till they've broken them,   
Could you get back again?   
Would it be the same?   
Fulfillment to their lack of strength   
At your expense   
Left you with no defense,   
They tore it down._   
  
Harry stared after the both of them. Both he called friends. One he wanted to call more, both leaving him alone. Harry turned and walked away.   
  
_And I have felt the same,   
As you,   
I've felt the same.   
As you,   
I've felt the same._   
  


The summer went by and no one heard from Harry. Hermione had moved to the Burrow to be safer and closer to Ron. He was all she had left. Summer ended and the students returned to Hogwarts. Hermione and Ron grew closer and closer. 6th year passed a aremarkable rate, the main points being Slytherin finally winning the House Cup, with no Harry on the Quidditch team, Gryffindor could not keep up with the faster sneakier Slytherin team, and there was no Voldemort. No diabolical scheme to overthrow the school. Remus Lupin had come back to teach at Hogwarts and had brought Sirius Black with him. Sirius had been cleared by the Ministry of Magic, and was now accepted almost everywhere. He was known as the godfather of the boy-who-lived. And this earned him respect from many people. Black was appointed the deputy Headmaster of Hogwarts and the year proceeded on schedule. But there was still no word from Harry. 6th year ended, and everyone went home, feeling safer because Voldemort had not reared his ugly face in some time. Then one day, everything changed.   
  
_Locked inside,   
The only place,   
Where you feel sheltered,   
Where you feel safe,   
You lost yourself,   
In your search to find,   
Something else,   
To hide behind,_   
  


Hermione was at the Burrow alone because Ron had Quidditch practice (he had offered to teach Hermione but she said that Harry had promised to teach her.) and the Older Weasley brothers had to manage their rather large chain of Weasley Wizard Wheezes. Mrs. Weasley was out at a small gathering of Hogwarts mothers, and Arthur was, of course, enjoying himself immensly, studying muggles. So Hermione had the house all to herself. She was relaxing, reading Hogwarts: A History, for the 30th time when she heard a thump outside. She grabbed her wand and went to investigate. When she reached the door she was met with a most unexpected surprise. "Hi Hermione." Said Harry, who promptly fainted. Hermione gasped and, using a simple charm, moved him inside the house. Harry looked a little thin to her. And rather worse for wear. But he was ALIVE! After getting some water from the kitchen, Hermione proceeded to clean up Harry's face and some of his arms and legs.   
  
_Cause the fearful always preyed upon,   
Your confidence,   
Didn't they see the consequence,   
They pushed you around,   
The arrogant build kingdoms,   
Made of the different ones.   
Breaking them till they've become,   
Just another crown,_   
  
Harry awoke to the feeling of something cold and wet being pressed to his forehead. He looked up and saw Hermione there with a worried look on her face, mopping up blood and dirt. He reached up and grabbed her hand, "I missed you."   
  
_And I have felt the same,   
As you,   
I've felt the same,   
As you,   
I've felt the same,   
As you,   
I've felt the same._   



	2. Everything

Everything  
By Suffering

  
  


Harry smiled up at the angel that hovered over him. "I missed you."   
  
_Find me here,  
Speak to me,  
I want to feel you,  
_

Hermione's eyes widened, and she pulled her hand back. Harry grabbed it and held it. "I missed you," He repeated, "Hermione, are you alright?" Harry peered up at her, confused. Hermione sobbed, turning away from him. "Hermione? What's wrong?   
  
_You are the light,  
That's leading me,  
To the place,  
Where I find peace  
  
_ "Hermione? Are you okay?" Hermione whimpered and threw her arms around Harry. The two of them remained like that, one too surprised to do anything and the other afraid that if she let go, he'd disappear.  
"Uh, Hermione? Are you.."  
"shut up."  
"um, okay." Harry seemed surprised at this sudden outpouring of tears, and could think of nothing other than to pat her back and tell her he was fine.   
"Shhhh, it's okay, I'm okay. Shh." Hermione cried on Harry's remains of a sweater for a long time. They lay on the couch together, in each other's arms, for the remainder of the day, neither wanting to leave the warmth and comfort the other offered.   
"harry?" a whisper, "where were you? I thought you were dead! You still have to teach me quidditch."   
"Shhh, Hermione, I'll tell you everything in time. But not now. I don't want to do anything but be near you."   
  
_You are the strength,  
That keeps me walking,  
You are the hope,  
That keeps me trusting,  
You are the life,  
Into my soul,  
You are my purpose,  
You're everything.  
_   
"Hermione, I have to tell you something. When I was out there, facing Voldemort, finding my way back here, the only thing that kept me going was you. Seeing you again, that hope gave me the strength to keep going. I know that you and Ron are together now, but I had to tell you that. Hermione?"   
Harry looked down and Hermione was asleep, head on his shoulder, arms around his waist, with a smile on her face. Harry had never felt so at peace in his life. He fell asleep listening to Hermione's breathing.   
  
_ And how can I stand here with you,  
And not be moved by you,  
And you tell me how could it be,  
Any better than this?  
Yeah.  
_


	3. Author's Note

Just thought you'd like to know, for those of you who read this, it's not going to be updated for a while, sorry. I have some things to deal with in my life, and it's not helping this story. Sometimes these things help, and sometimes they don't. But until i can resolve these things, I won't be posting for a while. I might do a preview of chapter 3, but don't expect it any time soon. Once again, i'm extremely sorry for those of you who read this, and especially to those people who reviewed.   
  
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Oh, to answer some of the questions asked in the reviews, he did defeat Voldemort, and while Hermione is one to speak her mind, I didn't see her doing that at the time. When I read the books, she struck me as one who would think about what she said before she said it. as for Sirius, he will probably not play too a large role in this fic, as in most of the others I've read, he is one of the people who would help Harry and Hermione get together. Harry may live with him, but no promises.   
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I hope this answers some questions, and all of it will be explained in more detail, hopefully, in chapter 3. I've been thinking of titles for it, and I seem to have run out of Lifehouse songs! Chapter title suggestions are welcome, doesn't have to be a Lifehouse song, as the title can sometimes jumpstart the story. Nothing seems to fit. Angst songs are probably the most likely to spur a writing spurt, but anything's welcome. I have a cable modem, I think, so i can download anything you give me pretty quick.   
  
Thanks and sorry for the delay. Lots of stuff going on in my life, and I'm not sure how to handle it all.   
  
AIM: Suffering138 


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